Reflections

As yet another school year approaches I am forced to reflect on how much both of my boys have grown up so quickly. Although, Lane is my baby and we are preparing to send him off to Pre-K for the first time this year...it is actually Grant who has me feeling nostalgic.  At night when I lie next to Grant in his full- size bed and look around his room I am reminded of how empty his walls used to be- the walls used to have just a few sports themed decor (which matched his wall border) and now it is filled with all things that make him the boy he is. He has a picture of Matt Adams that looks over him as he sleeps at night, several Cardinals flags, pennants, helmets and other game memorabilia hanging on every inch of his wall. I look around to notice how very out of place his corner net full of stuffed animals looks in this otherwise mature looking bedroom. I see his dresser once cleared of all clutter now has trophies, knickknacks and piggy banks littering the top of it. I see several signs of his love for his Savior in the crucifix and baptism banner that hangs on some of the smaller places of the wall...This is all so pleasing to me. I normally like things clutter- free and feel strongly that everything has a place or a "home" but instead of anxiety or the feeling of needing to control this environment I find delight in it. I feel warm and happy when I lay in his bed with his skinny little arms wrapped around my neck. I feel wrapped in all things Grant and I love the blanket of warmth it gives me. I am so happy with the boy God has chosen to give to us. He is the epitome of what I had always longed for in a child. Even though there are times I notice him distancing himself from me (especially in public places in front of his peers) he is also longing for continued quality time. He loves "family time" as I am sure all kids his age do but he seems to seep with happiness when we are all together doing something that involves "just us." Although he would hate to admit it to anyone he still loves to cuddle and be close to me and this is something I'm truly trying to savor as I know all too soon he will be locked up in his room gaining his independence and privacy in his pre-teen and teen years. I am practicing the art of finding excitement in the mundane. I have read several books over the summer months that have put me in connection with this kind of thinking. I was having a moment where I felt everything I did every day was all so ordinary and meaningless. I felt as though all of this that I do day in and day out isn't amounting to a hill of beans in the grand scheme of life but it took God's sign (through the books I have read that all happened to instill the same importance of just being who God made you to be) to make me realize that THIS-is what I am here to do. I am here to be the Mama Grant and Lane want and need me to be. This is my sole purpose (for right now anyways) so I am trying to consider that with every seemingly mundane activity I do during my stay-at-home-mom season. So....laying next to Grant, tucking him in at night, giggling about little things that were said and done during the course of the day, holding hands and saying our prayers somehow seems less mundane and more magnificent than ever. Praise God for giving me eyes to see the beauty in this life...and prayers that I am always able to see it from this perspective and never let go of it again.