A Good-bye Tribute to Skid

 

It's almost been three weeks now since we said "good-bye" to our Skid dog. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. Ultimately, in a sense I made the decision to put out a flame that was still burning. Burning dimly but burning all the same. I had to take into consideration his current and future quality of life. He was not well at all and with each passing episode he had he progressively got worse.

  

Over the last few years Skid's health had declined quite a bit. He couldn't see well and his hearing was seriously poor...often times you could be right behind him calling his name and he wouldn't be able to hear you. He had several strokes which caused him to go into week- long recovery modes- the strokes would leave him disoriented and confused. His head would tilt to one side and he would stay in that position for days - we would often let him out to go to the bathroom and he would only be able to turn in one direction which often left him turning in circles unable to figure out his way back to the door. And when we was able to find his way back he would often run smack into the door frame. He used to stay in our basement which meant he had to make the climb up and down about 8 steps which in his youth was really not a big deal and it actually proved to be most ideal- as he had his own little living area with a big mattress as a bed and room to roam during the night (he was mostly outside during the daytime)- 

But last year he got to the point where he just couldn't do the steps anymore. We were lost as to what to do for him and where to put him. He couldn't climb up stairs which meant he couldn't join us in the main level of our home and we didn't want to just stick him outside permanently (as he'd always been an inside dog) so he found his spot on the rug in the entryway of our back porch. He would sit directly in front of the door - and toward the later part of his life this made it difficult for everyone coming and going as he would be in such sad shape that some days he just refused to budge. I had to slide the rug he was laying on over just to get out the door. That's when I realized that his days were probably numbered and he really just didn't feel well. We had gotten into such a habit of opening the door very slowing when we would walk in as we knew Skid was right there on the other side unable to jump to his feet like he once could to move out of the way. This is something we still find ourselves doing even though it's been three weeks without him. I still open the door slowly as I am not yet used to his absence. 

The Saturday before we had him put down was heartbreaking as we actually witnessed one of his episodes (stroke-like episode) He was laying to one side, his tongue hanging to the same side and panting so hard and fast that I thought if I looked close enough I may just see his heart beating through his fur. He also had a lazy left eye and was drooling- I propped his head up on his dog bed as it seemed to me as though he just couldn't figure out for himself how to get in a comfortable position. I stayed by him and stroked his fur until he seemed to be better. It was pitiful and just sickening to watch. I knew then that this was no life for him to live. This was his forth stroke this year and each one presented worse than the last and I just couldn't' bare the thought of him having to go through it anymore. 

I spent the next few days discussing it with Jesus and Jason. I prayed that I would make the right decision and prayed for some kind of sign to guide me to the right choice. The morning of the 26th I saw my sign. I looked out our laundry room window and saw 5 or 6 cardinal birds on our deck. It is not uncommon for me to see Cardinal birds flying around our yard but I have never seen such a gathering of them all in one place... I took that as my sign that I need to release Skid from his suffering and he would be ok. When I see cardinal birds I think of my grandpa Barry- I felt like it was the sign I needed to make the choice. I immediately called our vet and discussed our options. I had already prepared the boys before they went off to school that this would likely be the last day we had with our beloved Skid. Lane returned from school and started to color pictures for Skid. He decided he wanted to read books and watch movies with him too. It was heartbreaking to watch my sweet little 3 year old snuggled next to my dear old dog on his last day. We took Skid outside and sat in the sun with him for an hour or so. My heart felt so heavy and a lump in the throat started to develop- a lump that I find to be still there when I think of the void Skid has left. A lump that bubbles up when I am reminded of his absence after drinking a bottled water. I would always toss my empty water bottles to Skid as he loved to play with them. I get that lump in my throat when I make anything with cheese. Skid loved cheese! I made grilled cheese sandwiches for the boys last week and out of habit grabbed an extra slice only to have no Skid to toss it to. I miss him being my "doorbell" too- he would always inform me when someone was in our driveway. The other day the UPS man came and delivered a package without my knowledge- this had never happened before as Skid would extra loud with his barking when Eric would come. 

 It's a hard thing to face- Skid was my friend before I even knew Jason or had my boys. He had been with me since college. He saw me during my most dark and my most happiest of times. He lived in all the places I have ever lived, he met all of the people who have walked through my life. He was so much more than a dog to me! He was my friend. He was our family! 

The boys (especially Lane) still talk about Skid often. The topic of a new dog for our family has been discussed but it may be a while (at least until sometime next year) until we are able to visit that topic more seriously.