MY SOAPBOX SPEEL

I often get on my blog just to upload pictures of my children, to somehow safely preserve these snapshots and memories on the web. I rarely "BLOG" in the sense that others are more familiar with. I hardly ever choose a topic for discussion or share my thoughts (which is probably a good thing).  But today...today, my friends I am going to get candid. I am going to tell you what I think and why I think it.  I am going to let you have the REAL Dana for just a few moments. Why? I don't know for sure, I think it's because I haven't stepped foot on my soapbox in a long time and it's just damn time I do so.  

PARENTING! Parenting is a bitch!! If, you are doing it right. I am not trying to say every decision I make though out the day is the best parenting choice (far from it) but I WILL say that I try so freaking hard to do it "right." I try almost to the point of being over -the- top and some of you may fault me for it. So be it.  I am not here to stir shit or cause a fuss but I am here to tell you what I really think (as noted above). And what I really think is that parents today are FAILING! Failing BIG TIME! I see it all of the time and everywhere from within my own social circles to public venues (want to see some of the worst parenting- try spending a bit of time in Walmart or McDonald's).  

 I see a lack of connection between parent and child. I see little- to -no conversation, discipline, or explanations. I see time and time again a failure to use situations as a time to learn and to teach.  It really frustrates me because these parents are raising my children's peers!!! Children who are raised like this hold little promise for tomorrows future generation. These are the kids who will bully, curse, and disobey authority now, and in years to come.  

What are these parents thinking? If your kids don't listen to you now then why do you think that suddenly one day out of the clear blue sky they will get hit with the "oh, yeah you're right Mom" lightening bolt and become an obedient and respectful pre-teen, teen, and adult all on their own? You need to parent -parent- parent...discipline -discipline -discipline and provide structure -structure -structure NOW and then when they are older you can hold off and be less overbearing and hopefully if you have done your job right, they will have enough good sense and good values to make the right decisions on their own. Or even better, respect you and your relationship with them to come to you for guidance.

 I hear things from Grant...things about what certain kids say and do at school and on the bus. Things I never imagined my little kindergartners ears would hear! I expected there to be some exposure to things I wouldn't approve of but these are 5 year olds who are doing and saying things they shouldn't even know anything about yet! I am worried. I am worried that my sons (whom I dedicate a lot of time and effort into parenting) may have no hope but to be corrupted by these unparented peers.  What is a Mom to do then? Pray? Pray that God will lead them to the good and righteous path.  I will pray that what Jason and I have instilled in them holds firm and strong even during the most testing of times.  YES! That's what I will do! I think we all need to pray! Pray for our children and not just our own but every CHILD! 

I see parents who may think that they are disciplining and teaching by simply saying, "stop, don't do that!" when a child does something undesirable. Or better yet.. sighing and saying something crazy like, "oh well, boys will be boys" and letting outrageous behavior continue.  That is not teaching a child anything and the undesirable behavior will most certainly continue. I think these "blow it off" remarks given by parents may even be worse than saying nothing at all. Because a threat or empty promise or no action from the parent sends a clear message to the child that what the parent says holds no water.  This is flat out LAZY PARENTING!  

Consistency and structure...limits and boundaries-that's what teaches children!  Do I judge other parents? YES, YES I DO! Not very christian like of me, I know.. but I feel in my heart of hearts that I have to do some judging. I have to size people up and if I see behavior (not just once but repeated) that is unacceptable then it is my job as a mother to avoid contact and to choose not to expose my children to such things.  Now, I know, that I can not protect my kids from every bratty, poorly behaved, inconsiderate, and disrespectful child -that's not reasonable or possible.  But when we have no choice but to be around and be exposed to parents who clearly DO NOT PARENT then I try to turn it into a learning situation for Grant (sometimes Lane too but mostly just Grant because he is old enough to understand) and point out poor and unacceptable behavior and talk to him about alternatives. Goes like this, "Grant so and so made a poor choice- yadda yadda yadda(insert better choice here)- may have been a better choice."  

I am just feeling frustrated that I am here...trying to do the best damn job I can do and often I feel I get "the look." The look that says, "oh, wow, she's a tough mom." Or "good gosh, Dana sure is strict and overreacts."  Maybe ...maybe its true that I am all of those things...but for now, it's working out just fine.  It may even backfire on me in later years...but at least I can proudly say that I am attempting to provide what my child needs LOVE both SOFT and TOUGH LOVE!  I am trying damn it! And so should the rest of you!  In my opinion you (not necessarily "you" the reader but "you" whomever falls into the "lazy parent" category) get a very small time frame to make a move -the move to be an active and involved parent, because once they reach a certain age its going to be pretty tough to turn things around -its going to be pretty tough to undo years and years of little- to- no rules, structure and discipline.  DO IT NOW! WHILE THEY ARE YOUNG AND IMPRESSIONABLE. DO THE TOUGH WORK NOW and pray that it all pays off later down the road.  Ok, that's it ...I am done. I have now stepped down from my soapbox and don't plan to return there anytime soon.